Like the picture of this meadow we all strive to find our space for optimum growth. There is a whole science relating to the mathematics of personal space known as Proxemics. Neighbours, friends, acquaintances and strangers have clearly delineated zones which feel ok or good and for each category of interaction there are two levels dependent on if the relationship status is close or not. Many factors influence where this comfort zone lies but one thing is always for sure, we always react when it’s uncomfortable. As a therapist I look for these reactions as we journey through the therapeutic process together. Our metaphorical inner world has boundaries too.
These can be micro reactions as subtle as a change in breathing rate, flushing or a perceived itch perhaps on the back of a hand where someone has touched them. Or macro-shifts of body posture, some people literally sit back in chair or use body language to block the perceived assault. Bringing these elements to the conscious attention of the client must be done respectfully to avoid a further boundary violation.
In cases of trauma or abuse the boundary becomes the priority, Dr Robert Scaer(trauma therapist) has a boundary test which involves the client remaining seated whilst he moves his hands around the head and shoulders of the client. Inadvertent flinching is a keynote sign of a previous boundary violation. Interestingly the movement will always be triggered in the same part of the visual field. This is something which is exploited in the techniques of EMDR(eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) IEMT(integral eye movement therapy) and others. If you can re-condition the neural response alerting the amygdala you can discharge the trauma. These techniques work very quickly, but for some lack a narrative. Sometimes just fixing the neurology is not enough, we need emotion and rationality it’s what makes us human.
Some people like to make sense of their story or history. When they reconfigure their biography they feel more empowered knowing that it was a self-directed action. One of the key advantages of using Matrix Reimprinting is that the reconstruct takes place with the client playing the role of an observer initially. By reprocessing the event in the third person the trauma becomes less stressing. The pronouns I and me are very powerful and sensitised to an extreme degree when referencing traumatic events. It is much easier to say it happened to her or she is feeling frightened. There is a greater virtual distance which is processed differently within the brain.
Taken to an extreme degree the shock of trauma will result in a complete dissociation from ‘I’ or ‘Me’ and people will experience this as feeling disembodied, numb or so disparate from self they may say things like “sometimes I feel like I don’t exist” or “none of this feels real.” Biologically their body will respond in the same way, some people literally do have numb areas of their body, patches of coldness or even lack of muscular tone. It is as if that part of the body is switched off.
If you or someone you know is having problems with their boundaries and it could be showing up biologically as a kidney or bladder issue or perhaps a skin condition then use my contact form and we can have a conversation about how I might be able to help.
Therapist and Psychologist 